What is honor? What makes an honorable man? My dad was an honorable man. I miss him every day when I wake up, and I love telling stories about him just so I can smile about them. Every time I think of him it is still a struggle to try and understand why God had to take him from us so soon. In a world filled with evil dishonorable men, Ken Holz was one of the few shining lights, and he remained so until the moment that he was called home. Two days before he passed away, my dad was awake and able to communicate with us and his nurses. He was able to write a thank you note to one of his nurses for all the care he had been given. The way my dad was able to touch people it wouldn't surprise me if that nurse still had that note. More importantly, my dad was able to forgive. That is what I will forever keep with me. When my dad first went to the hospital, I was angry with him because we were going to a basketball game that was outside, and I thought he was just complaining of the heat. I didn't get a chance to apologize to him until two days before he died. Unable to speak, and completely confused as to why I was in the room with him (us Holz boys never believe that there is anything wrong with us), deep inside this honorable man I found the true meaning of unearned love. After talking with him for a few minutes, and him struggling to communicate with me, I made a simple gesture that I will never forget because of the reaction it caused. If you know the Holz family, you know that we like to make a sign with our hands to tell each other "I love you." I put my hand on his chest and curled my fingers up to tell him I love him. Unable to speak, my dad looked me deep in my eyes and our souls shared a moment that I knew was his forgiveness and unending love. Two days later when he passed away, I'm not sure I completely understood what had happened, and I still have days where I just want to scream. Despite this, I know that dad is home and is waiting for us to get there. In the meantime, if I stop to share a story with you about him, or if you have one to share with me, I know that he is listening to us as well, smiling at all the trouble he got into and the great stories he created.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
So I was driving down the road the other day with the windows rolled down and my beautiful wife sitting next to me. We were both wondering out loud like Whinnie the Pooh used to do while sitting on his thinking log as the radio was drifting from one annoying person to the next. Then the song "Where I'm From" came on and it got us thinking...How great would it be to live in a place like that song?? The quarterback dates the homecoming queen, the truck's a Ford, and the tractors green... I've come to realize in the past few days, and while falling asleep listening to the waves crash against the beach that most of us already do live in a place like that. Follow me on this... I may not climb on top of a tractor everyday or ride a horse to work, or even talk with a southern drawl (though my ya'll pops up every now and then) but thats not the point. I have an amazing wife, a loving family, and life isn't about where you live its about the Lord you serve and the company you keep. I'll be the first to admit that I don't talk to my friends or family as much as I should, but there is one thing about my family (Holz's, Delfino's, Van Wyk's, Stubbe's, Hearn's, Avery's, Pincus's, Rollin's, Roselle's, Palmer's, anyone else I missed)...you get us together and we'll blow any reality tv show out of the water! There's guaranteed to be food (Hopefully as my favorite Paula Deen would say "Will put some South in your mouth) and the rest always just tends to happen. Rachel (my wife) always asks how I am always able to let things that should drive me crazy just roll off my back. Behind any negative thing that could ever come out of my family is a love that is unconquerable. John told us that "God is Love" but people are driven crazy trying to wonder why tragedies happen if that is true. I've done plenty of thinking about this...Pastors and counselors and everyone else has their own opinion, but mine is this..tragedies and sadness and negatives and all that other junk are a painful reminder to us that beneath all of that, He is Love and that love is the driving force that causes families to stick through the thick and thin and ask ourselves...When is the next pig roast baby???
Until next time (Hopefully soon)
Until next time (Hopefully soon)