An Honorable Man

What is honor?  What makes an honorable man?  My dad was an honorable man.  I miss him every day when I wake up, and I love telling stories about him just so I can smile about them.  Every time I think of him it is still a struggle to try and understand why God had to take him from us so soon.  In a world filled with evil dishonorable men, Ken Holz was one of the few shining lights, and he remained so until the moment that he was called home.  Two days before he passed away, my dad was awake and able to communicate with us and his nurses.  He was able to write a thank you note to one of his nurses for all the care he had been given.  The way my dad was able to touch people it wouldn't surprise me if that nurse still had that note.  More importantly, my dad was able to forgive.  That is what I will forever keep with me.  When my dad first went to the hospital, I was angry with him because we were going to a basketball game that was outside, and I thought he was just complaining of the heat.  I didn't get a chance to apologize to him until two days before he died.  Unable to speak, and completely confused as to why I was in the room with him (us Holz boys never believe that there is anything wrong with us), deep inside this honorable man I found the true meaning of unearned love.  After talking with him for a few minutes, and him struggling to communicate with me, I made a simple gesture that I will never forget because of the reaction it caused.  If you know the Holz family, you know that we like to make a sign with our hands to tell each other "I love you."  I put my hand on his chest and curled my fingers up to tell him I love him.  Unable to speak, my dad looked me deep in my eyes and our souls shared a moment that I knew was his forgiveness and unending love.  Two days later when he passed away, I'm not sure I completely understood what had happened, and I still have days where I just want to scream.  Despite this, I know that dad is home and is waiting for us to get there.  In the meantime, if I stop to share a story with you about him, or if you have one to share with me, I know that he is listening to us as well, smiling at all the trouble he got into and the great stories he created.